Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

For months now, I’ve ignored the spam comments that I received on this site. I don’t know what made me stop and take a look one day. I realized the untapped potential for humor that I was ignoring and decided to periodically share this with you.

PLEASE NOTE – These comments are not left by actual commentators on my website. They are the work of bots: tiny pieces of software that crawl blogs and leave spam comments. The “authors” of these comments were filtered by a spam filter and were unable to complete a CATPCHA. I would never poke fun at actual commentators.

One friend told me that this might be bad PR on a “professional website” which is kind of what I’m trying to run here. However, I do have a sense of humor and I’d like to attract readers who have one too, so this is for y’all.

Click the images to view them at full size. Then utilize your browser’s Back button to continue reading. The first column is the commenter information, second column is the actual comment, and the third is the article on which the comment was posted.

Craziness

Um, did you just answer yourself?

There are comments I wish were real…

“Finicky” isn’t really a good word in English. You should fire your translator.

How much do you charge for a resume…I want to post it on my site to laugh at if it’s anything like your comment.

No hablo espanol or whatever…

That.

Wouldn’t it have been easier to just say, “I like to wear a bra” ? Weirdo.

Only if you “maintain” to stop spamming my site.

Thanks you so muck.

Get your own stinkin’ ideas!

NO! And I don’t feel bad saying so since it appears your site is about an entirely different subject. Quack!

Your colleague was doing an analysis on Fun With Spam from MY website!?! Well, what do ya know?

“Additional you” to my spam folder.

I “almost cried” when I had to delete your comment.

There’s Something Wrong With Your Site

Nope, you’re stuck. That’s what you get for spamming me.

Try buying your software instead of using that free crap.

YOU should probably update your Internet Explorer…what are we on…like 9 now?

I get a number of spam comments on my website. People sit around and make these little pieces of software called “bots” that scan blogs and leave spam comments usually along with a link to some kinda crazy website where they sell something or show porn. Yeah. Often the comment that are left are quite humorous, so I thought I would share…with my commentary of course.

PLEASE NOTE – These are not actual commentators on my website. These comments have been screened by a spam filter and the author was unable to complete a CAPTCHA. Therefore, these comments were collected in the WordPress equivalent to a Recycle Bin.

ENJOY!

The first column is the author of the comment, the second is the comment itself, and the third is the article the author commented on. Click the image to view it larger.

My, aren’t we creative with the different colored text and question marks! This one hit me multiple times. Same jibberish.

With words like “intimately”, “thirstily”, and “lucidity”….I’m left with just one word: CREEPY.

This one is all over the place, he’s talking about health care on a post about Wilmington, NC while his link points to home job placement and his name refers to the iPhone. Perhaps you should consider reading my posts on ADD, my friend.

Lesbian porn for those who are hooked on phonics.

You know, Amy, I think you might be onto something. The Twitter Yellow Pages just might be the answer to the recession!

This might actually help someone. Plus it was too awesome to leave out since it was posted on one of my poems.

The obligatory “Live Sex” comment…boy, that Twitter Yellow Pages post is booming.

Gino is speechless.

Huh?

Uh, thanks. That’s why it’s called ProOxygenDeviceBrands.com.

That’ll do for now. Hope you enjoyed these and got a chuckle out of them. I’ll post more from time to time.

I drive about an hour a day in this city…30 minutes to and 30 minutes from work. I try to make it a point not to drive much more than that…at least not outside of my “region” of town. Why? Because you people drive like maniacs!!!

I could make an endless list of areas in which you fail to exhibit cognitive and intelligent driving skills on a daily basis. I will now take this opportunity to
demonstrate your stupidity. Give heed to the following tips:

- Learn what “right-of-way” is and when you do and DO NOT have
it.

- First, learn when and where to merge, then join all the other morons in turn signal school.

- When I am turning right on green, it is NOT okay for you to turn left on green ANYWHERE NEAR ME. I will put a large dent in your vehicle and then you will buy
me a new car.

- When I look in my rear view mirror, and all I can see is your hood emblem, YOU ARE TOO CLOSE, STUPID. Learn about safe following distance, and how important it is for you to use it when you are being “RAM tough” or “Humming”. Why? Because you will plow into my small, fairly economical car…and then YOU will buy me a new one. That is, if I am not hurt, maimed, or otherwise no longer in need of said car.

- You know, if I happened to miss the exact millisecond when the traffic light changes, do NOT honk your horn at me. Your mother should have taught you that is rude and you are acting like an impatient child. Wherever you are going will be there when you get there, so SHUT UP.

- You can flip me off all you want. I will blow you kisses.

- ARGH! When you are riding a bicycle, DO NOT ride on the street unless it happens to be one of those areas of town where you have your own little lane. I know, I know…bicycles are supposed to follow the same traffic laws as cars, and you have every right to be on the street, but EVERYONE ELSE ON A BIKE USES THE SIDEWALK EXCEPT FOR YOU, MAN!!!

- When I have one car length of space in front of me. THAT IS NOT FOR YOU AND YOUR
STUPID SUV THAT I CAN’T SEE AROUND. That is me exercising safe following distance. Look and Learn.

- If I let the car in front of you in, that doesn’t automatically mean that I will let you in as well and to force your big SUV in that close to my small, fairly
economical car is RUDE…and you didn’t even throw up a wave or anything. Well, you are NOT welcome.

- Executing a U-turn from the far right turn lane is about 7 shades of illegal. You are really asking for that dent in the side of your vehicle.

- Creating parking spaces is illegal. If you are too lazy to walk across the parking lot…it’s a problem. Some of you could really use multiple walks across the parking lot, myself included…too much cheap casino food, I guess.

- DO NOT stop in the middle of traffic on a three-lane road to let someone turn across. Individuals in the other two lanes cannot and do not want to read your mind. You have just loosed an idiot driving sideways across traffic. Accidents will ensue.

- Driving like a bat out of Hades and weaving in and out of lanes is not going to get you there any faster. Leave 30 minutes early. Whatever it is, will be there when you arrive.

- Drunk driving is for the ultimate moron. Unless you aspire to be one, I suggest you make travel arrangements.

Article originally posted in October of 2007 on waxingpoetic75.com
Photo: jparise from Flickr under Creative Commons